Recently I was involved in a discussion on Twitter about the #MeToo movement, Black Lives Matter, and other topics, when a spirited discussion and (often contentious) dialogue broke out about the ways in which men and women were using Twitter differently and approaching the conversation based on their gender and norms or expectations for how that gender would be "performed" online.

Several women were sharing their lived experiences of sexual violence or assault and calling men to action to speak out, take initiative, and speak to other men instead of placing the onus for action (and prevention) solely on women. Most were in agreement about this issue, including the male (or male identifying) participants...but the ways in which language, tone, and debate were employed were challenging for many of the women involved, and I'd hazard a guess and say the feeling was mututal!

On more than one occasion in the threads and sub-threads, a man would join in on the discussion and theorize or opine from the abstract, or play "devil's advocate" on a point, or approach the discussion like a debate with points to be won or conceded. These men were "with us" (the women) in spirit--that sexual violence was unacceptable and men needed to take an active role in stopping it--but the discussion delvolved into fighting and insult hurling because of the way the conversation and dialogue was being approached differently and experienced differently due to gender. Several folks afterwards reflected that women, because of the ways we were socialized, approached the conversation with empathy first, in a space of feelings, lived experience, etc., not always bridging to the concrete or policy space (yet). Many of the men joining the conversation were doing so more from a place of distance or "other", and mentally reasoning what would be the best and most logical apporoach to practices and policies, which they also said they had been socialized to do as an approach to language from a young age.

In the end, it was a frustrating experience that I won't forget. These two sets of people seemingly on the same side but "in-fighting" because of the rhetoric used, the approach to languge or logic-first language, etc. It made me realize even more how much gender plays into the conscious and unconscious and written and unwritten norms and expectations for communication and how these play out online in social media or virtual world / gaming spaces, and which have caused harm to many folks, alienated others, and stymied conversation and progress. The experience also made me reflect on the nature of our political discourse online (with elections ramping up in the US and elsewhere) and the different ways men and women communicate, are communicated about, and are expected to engage with their audiences online, which this article by McGregor and Mourao (2016) unpacks, with a special focus on Twitter as the vehicle for this particular type of discourse. Check it out! Would love to hear your thoughts and experiences.

McGregor, S. C., & Mourão, R. R. (2016). Talking Politics on Twitter: Gender, Elections, and Social Networks. Social Media + Society, 2(3). https://doi.org/10.1177/2056305116664218